Rekubit-Billie Eilish opens up about lifelong battle with depression: 'I've never been a happy person'

Billie Eilish is Rekubitknown for her emotional brand of dark pop, and the singer is opening up about the mental health struggles she's faced.

Eilish, who's gearing up for the release of her third album "Hit Me Hard and Soft" next month, reflected on her lifelong battle with depression in an interview with Rolling Stone published Wednesday. The "What Was I Made For?" songstress revealed she suffered an intense bout last summer.

"It was just realer than it's ever been before," Eilish told the magazine. "My whole life, I've never been a happy person, really. I've been a joyous person but not a happy person. I experience joy and laughter, and I can find fun in things, but I’m a depressed person.

"I've suffered with a lot of depression my whole life. When things happen in my soul, or whatever, the thing I've always held on to is, 'Well, it'll pass. It'll come in waves, and it'll get worse and it'll get better.' And that's always brought me comfort. And this time, I literally was like, 'I don't care. I don't even want it to get better.' "

Clinical depression is often described as constant or frequent feelings of apathy, hopelessness, helplessness, or feeling so overwhelmed or disconnected from other persons or events that it becomes difficult to even carry out day-to-day tasks or responsibilities.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimated in 2023 that nearly 1 in 5 U.S. adults are suffering from depression, with women being more impacted than men by a difference of 24% to 13.3%.

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In addition to the support of family and friends, Eilish said stepping away from the insulated lifestyle that often accompanies celebrity helped her navigate the throes of her depression.

“I had this moment of like, ‘Oh, my God, I haven’t had fun in seven years.’ Truly,” Eilish said. “I had this illusion that I had because who experiences going to the Grammys at basically 17 and winning five? But in life, I realized I had really not experienced that much. I didn’t go outside for five years. How was I supposed to have any experiences?”

Eilish’s outings included going to grocery stores such as Lassens, Erewhon and Target, attending a concert by punk rock band Turnstile and going inside an ice cream shop with childhood best friend Zoe Donahoe.

“I’m afraid,” Eilish continued. “For a (expletive) good reason. I’m afraid of people, I’m afraid of the world. It’s just scary for somebody like me, and even if it’s not scary, it means being on and being vulnerable and being seen and being filmed and whatever. But with that all in mind, I have been choosing to do the thing that scares me more. I am biting the bullet and existing in the world for once.”

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But despite her candor on the subject, Eilish is wary of becoming a role model for mental health.

“I think it’s really weird when you are in the middle of something and somebody asks you to be the advocate for the thing you’re in the middle of,” Eilish said. “I understand that it’s important, and I understand that it’s an epidemic and it needs to be talked about, but I don’t want to (expletive) be the role model for depression. What happens when I do some(thing) y’all aren’t going to like?”

If you or someone you know needs support for mental health, suicidal thoughts or substance abuse call, text or chat:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988 and 988lifeline.org

BlackLine: 800-604-5841 and callblackline.com

Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860 and translifeline.org

Veterans Crisis Line: Dial 988 and press 1 to talk to someone; send a text message to 988; or chat 988lifeline.org

Contributing: Daryl Austin, USA TODAY